QUITE LIKELY-By
Secretary: Sir, banks have opened 15 crore accounts
under PMJDY.
PM: Very Good.
Secretary:
Sir, banks have linked 5 crore accounts under PMJJBY, PMSBY and APY.
PM: Very nice to hear. Then?
Secretary: Sir, Banks have promised to add another 5 crore
accounts under these 3 schemes before they become operational on 1st
June, 2015.
PM:
Is that so? Next?
Secretary: Sir, Banks have committed to open 15 crore
new accounts in the name of small farmers, fishermen and weavers before 31st
July, 2015.
PM:
Will it be possible?
Secretary: Yes, Sir. It is possible only with bank
staff, Sir.
PM:
Then what about the next schemes?
Secretary:
Sir, Banks have promised to enrol 30 crore people under Aadhaar/NPS before 31st
August, 2015.
PM:
Alright, proceed further.
Secretary: Sir, Banks have been advised to enrol 25
crore students in government schools in rural and hilly areas, before 30th
September, 2015. They have agreed, Sir.
PM:
Yes, it is my pet scheme. This I have already tried it out in Gujarat when I
was the Chief Minister of that state and demonstrated to others it can be
achieved successfully with a little added effort and good motivation. Then?
Secretary:
Sir, this scheme for physically challenged … is slated for launch on 15th
October, 2015. Banks have committed to
open not less than 7 crore accounts under this scheme, Sir.
PM: If that happens, good.
Secretary:
Sir, the scheme for reforming and rehabilitation of the prisoners has a target
of 8 crores. And all banks have
volunteered to pitch in with their share to achieve the target before 30th
November, 2015, Sir.
PM:
(in a whispering voice) Do not cover the
prisoners belonging to that ….. party under this scheme. OK, next?
Secretary:
Sir, then this scheme for prevention of accidents ….
PM:
Hey, stop, stop. This is a very novel
scheme. Only our party can conceive such
schemes.
Secretary:
Yes, Sir. We have sent a strict circular
to all banks that they must take action to ensure at least 15 lakh accidents
are prevented every month from December, 2015, Sir.
PM: Have they agreed? Yes, yes, they will agree and they must agree. Then what?
Secretary:
Sir, we have formulated one scheme for achieving ‘Make in India’ goal, Sir.
PM:
Yes, it’s very close to my heart. Tell
all the banks immediately that they shall liberally finance not less than 5
crore units under this.
Secretary: Yes, Sir.
It will be completed before 26th January, 2016, Sir.
PM:
Come to the next one.
Secretary:
Sir, this one is for NRIs. But not for
NRI deposits. This is for distribution
of Electoral Photo Identity Cards to them and linking them to Aadhaar. Our government has fixed an ambitious target
of 10 crore cases under this, Sir.
PM:
That’s nice. But, remember not to
include NRIs born and brought up on …………. soil.
We want ‘Swachch Bharath’ citizens only.
Arrange grand launching of this scheme in USA where I have millions of
followers.
Secretary:
Sir, the next scheme slated to be launched by you in February, 2016 is for swadeshi
weavers.
PM:
What’s the target fixed?
Secretary:
Sir, we have not fixed any target, Sir. Since RBI has agreed to include all the
accounts enrolled under this scheme, under ‘priority sector’, banks themselves
have come forward to open 4 crore accounts, Sir.
PM:
Try to increase the count to 7 crores.
OK, then?
Secretary:
Sir, this scheme is for fencing our country’s borders. It is to start in March,
2016.
PM: Banks will have annual closing work in
March. So, fix a lower target of fencing
borders of only 10,000 kilometers length in the first phase.
Secretary:
Yes, Sir.
PM:
What is the scheme to be launched in April, 2016?
Secretary:
Sir, Closure of 10,000 branches of Public Sector Banks per day. MOF, IBA and UFBU have given overwhelming
support to this special scheme, Sir.
PM:
Scheme is OK. But, add one clause to
it. The branches closed by PSBs will be
merged with or taken over by new private sector banks and foreign banks.
Secretary:
Yes, Sir.
PM:
Oh, what a hectic year of economic activity?
Has any other government done so much in one year?
Date:
09-05-2015
pannvalan
Note:
This
is only a piece of satire on the slew of schemes announced by our PM and
implemented by all PSBs in a feverish pitch, without application of mind.
Sirs / Comrades,
ReplyDeleteWhen our 10th BPS is burning like Apollo 13, the politicians in governance who are not properly informed are giving lot of work pressure and testing times. In several PSBs, several Insurance linked Savings Schemes are already existing and nearly 60% of the existing customers have already subscribed to them. The innovations in Term Policies are not new in Insurance Sector. If Agents' so called higher grade commissions are removed, even the endowment policies would become much much cheaper. Our PMO or the PM itself not evidently strengthening the PSBs and their STAFF base. That GYAN SANGAM should have resulted into 30% growth for 10th BPS with 50% of it for growth in and fixation of NEW basic PAY scales. And for commencement of PAY COMMISSION for banking Industry. And for taking 11/2012's DA points rather than 11/2011's as this 10th BPS is w.e.f. 11/2012, but certainly not w.e.f. 11/2011. And for immediate creation of BANKING PUBLIC SERVICE COMMISSION on the lines of UPSC. But, have all these happened ? Certainly NO. Honest approach, guidance are evidently lacking. As such, we the Officers and Employees of PSBs are becoming BAKRAS. Scope has been given for writing satires, jokes, creating cartoons on the realted matters. Afsos ki baat hai Narendra Modi Saheb. Bachavo PSBs ko. Bachavo hamara PSBs ka izzat ko. Bachao hamara naya pay scales ko. Khuda Hafeez.